you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
