she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
