Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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