he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
