He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My bed smells like the plague
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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