just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
3pm strippers are depressing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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