Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
