And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
