the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
