She's JV to your varsity
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
