omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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