4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
