My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
