how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
