get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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