i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize