i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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