I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
