Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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