he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
