when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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