Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
