I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Randomize
