Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
