I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
