the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Randomize
