there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize