We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
