genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
