I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to jail i love you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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