I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize