Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
