Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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