butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
