Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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