I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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