Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We are all done wearing pants today
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