Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wear drunk well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
