THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
