well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
