i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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