please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
