her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
