I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
