Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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