Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
