The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
