I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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