I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
