After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
