A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
