And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
