"it" just moved
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
