I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck appropriateness.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize