Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
