Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
