I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
