Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
