even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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