I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
