so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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