Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
