My first STD was from a foam party
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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