Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
