She said her name was "party"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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