He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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