what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
