Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
