I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
