I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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