You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
